“Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” – Woody Allen
Everyone wants a bargain right? Money’s tight and we all love a deal. I thought I found the big daddy of savings. Walking out of the store I was so proud of myself. I felt like I just won “The Price Is Right.” I outsmarted the corporations that over price products I resent. The products they sell we need, they know it and mercilessly overcharge us. Using these product is like washing money down the drain, literally. Well folks what I won was “The Price Is Wrong.” I was wrong, oh so terribly wrong and I learned a very expensive lesson. What’s the product I begrudge,?… toilet paper!
My son’s school was having a fund-raiser. There was a sign up sheet and I saw candy. That can’t be to expensive so I snatched it up lickity split. I have a membership to BJ’s that I never use. Considering the bulk bags of candy I relinquished myself to provide, I thought that the warehouse of a store Bj’s would be the best bargain. Wrong, candy caused my commode to explode. Here’s what happened.
Most every product costs $10. or more, it’s the bulk thing. I have a few staples I buy for my home that I could get there. Water, laundry soap and toilet paper. All three are my nemesis’. I grabbed my ridiculously high-priced candy (one bag was $20. hello, that’s not a bargain) and lugged my oversized cart down the oversized aisle to buy the oversized products that are over priced. Like I said, corporations have us by the balls or shall I say, in their pockets. I’m over it.
I swing around to the TP aisle and wham, I’m hit with sticker shock! Charmin, the one with the Bear, is my TP of choice. It was $29. I hung my head, took a breath, preparing to roll away when I spotted across the aisle a shelf of Bounty paper napkins, 200 for $9.00. BINGO, no one will see it but me and my boys. So I flipped off the Bear grabbed the Bounty and swaggered off. Little did I know the Charmin Bear was flipping me off and laughing as I walked away. For two weeks a bulk package of napkins sat next to the toilet. They wiped just great. One napkin a go. I was onto to something, this was a game changer.
It was the bi-annual, seasonal changing of the wardrobe’s day. It’s a brainless luxury chore. This requires laundry. I put an oversized load in the washing machine and went to work. When the cycle ended I descended my basement steps to find it flooded with blackish water. Oh Sxxx!
Being the hands on women that I’ve become, I tried to problem solve this myself. I walked out to my tiny manhole on the edge of my neighbors driveway and saw it was clogged with stones, sticks, and leaves. It’s also smashed in, must be the cars driving over it. I took my finger and tried to pull the debris out unsuccessfully, then I got a screw driver, not much better. The water started receding in the basement but I knew this was serious, I’ve been through this before. Hence my thinking thought of street plunging, yes you can do that people, I’ve done it, different house and it worked. What to do? It must be the leaves clogging the pipes right? So I called the Streets Department. Here’s what I was told: The Streets Department only comes if the manhole is in the street, it’s not their problem. What about the Water Department? The Water Department will come out to take a look at it for “inspection,” slap you with a fine and then you get your own plumber.
I started mopping, running up and down flights of steps, in and out of the house with “sludge” on me. This was too big for me. I had to throw down my plunger and call my plumber Matt Mazza.
Early the next morning which was a Saturday, the plumbers came. In my life Murphy’s law always occurs on Friday’s, so I had to get up. My neighbors were having a yard sale while two plumbers and myself proceeded to stand around the manhole deliberating if it was mine. The plumbers didn’t think it was, my female intuition knew it was but it was in a precarious place. Due to insurance they didn’t want to touch it. The neighbors were as perplexed as us, so a hunt began. After pacing back and forth on my sidewalk looking for “my” manhole they began excavating my lawn with a screw driver stabbing my grass trying to hit metal, which never happened, because my manhole is on the edge of my neighbors driveway! By this point I was exhausted from the day before, anxious to get this problem fixed and frustrated with little patience. The pro’s were ready to go but oh no, I wasn’t going to let these guys leave. At that point, I’d take my chances and have them snake the neighbors in hopes that it was mine. Many a flush later, watching the bubbling brew, a decision was made to snake it at the basement pipe.
I stood there and watched as the snaking began . Once cleared, extracting the snake, we found the problem. It was clogged with slimy, mucky, black wet paper napkins and one piece of dental floss. I was asked if I had been flushing anything down the toilet other than TP, I wanted to lie (embarrassing) but didn’t. After a brief seminar, apparently TP has special chemicals on it that breaks down the paper, thus making it flushable. Who knew? I didn’t but now I do and you do too. Be careful what you bargain for, you might end up paying more than you bargained for.